Beginning's End
by IronRaven
Summary: The Jewel is nearly complete. Old feuds must be set aside for victory to pass, new bonds formed. How will that victory be remembered five hundred years later? R for icky parts.
1. Default Chapter

Shippou's Diary: Beginning's End   
by IronRaven   
editorial assistance by Lachesis-chan 

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and company aren't mine. They are the property of Rumiko Takahashi-sama. Although I wouldn't mind being Miroku- good job, lots of fresh air and exercise, cool threads, and Sango beats him. ;) 

--- 

Where to start this? 

How about with introductions. You are my journal, my diary. All the psychologists say you should keep one, to help clean out your mind. At least, that is what the height of head doctoring is saying in the early 1980s. 

Me? I'm a doctor, and have been for some time, and have studied both traditional and modern medicines. I am also a man with a cause, to protect someone I love very much. I am Kitsumori Hoono. 

I am a fox demon who is over five hundred years old. I have protected and shielded mankind. The main part of my, well, "mission" is about to begin. The woman I came to think of as my second mother will be born soon, and I will do every thing in my power to make sure she is ready for her destiny. And to keep her alive. Partially to become my okaa-san, and partially so that she can be happy. And partially so that she will survive her destiny, which is to save the world. 

My real name, that only five other living people know, is Shippou. 

Perhaps it would be better to start this at the beginning. It was just before the Portuguese landed here in Japan. Kagome, my charge, was a very strange girl. She was a miko from the future, as you may have gathered from what I said earlier. She and the hanyou Inuyasha were on a quest to gather the shards of the Shikon no Tama, which demons were hunting to gain power. With us were Sango and Miroku, the most beautiful and loving couple it has ever been my joy to know. Though they showed it differently than most people would have, they were meant for each other. Everyone who knew them knew it to, even through they told everyone that they didn't feel that way. Undoubtedly to protect the other. 

Our quest was nearly over. Only a few shards remained. Inuyasha had even beaten Kouga, the wolf demon, into submission to gain his shards. Of course, we had to wait for Kagome to go home for a test for that to happen. It would be years before I learned from Kouga how it happened. 

Only those of Naraku remained. They would be the hardest to gather. With his army of youkai minions, he was a hard foe. His most powerful weapons were all demons we knew from previous fights. And the resurrection of Kohaku, Sango's little brother. He had died, and his soul was being bound to his body by a shard. Until Kohaku had the chance to rest, Sango would never be able to not doubt herself in battle. I came up with the idea of how to deal with that myself, actually. All it would take was a little help from Inuyasha's brother, Sesshomaru, and his half of the Inu-daisho, the Tensaiga. It took all of Inuyasha's pride to try to make peace with Sessho... 

---_the past:_

"Inuyasha, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just haven't been here in a long time, not since my okaa died." Pausing in his tracks, the dog boy raised his arm, pointing to where a small spring leapt from between boulders on the side of a hill looking over the valley. "I buried her there. I was alone. The few retainers who survived the night they came for my father were with Sesshomaru and Myouga, finding Inutaisho's bones. She used to go up there and sit for hours at a time, staring down at the path to the gates." 

Taking his hand in her's, Kagome gently pulled his arm down by his side. "Did you want to..."

"No." Scowling at his feet, the hanyou breathed deeply. "She's gone, I've said my good byes." 

"OK.... You are worried, aren't you?"

"Feh! He only wants to kill me. At least Miroku and Sango had the sense to stay behind, where we set camp. I wish some other people did!" Resuming his walking, Inuyasha gently pulled at her hand, but did not release it. With the free hand, he softly bonked me on the head when they caught up with me. I know that Kagome didn't like it, but over time, it had become his show of affection to me, and I think she knew it. Even if he rarely said anything, I knew that Inuyasha considered me something of a cross between brother and son.

I think he kept it even from her; I know he tried.

As we walked closer to the gates of Sesshomaru's fortress, the flowers became more frequent. Every so often, Inuyasha would run his claws along a blossom, or stroke a stem with the back of hand, his eyes wide as his childhood memories came back to him. 

Standing at the gate, two inu youkai in full armour blocked our way with crossed naginata. "Step aside, assholes, I've business with his great vanity, Sesshomaru."

One stood there, rooted in his spot by the blasphemous word, while the other chuckled low in his throat. "It is good to see you, young master. I see your humor has not changed. It has been too long," came a throaty rasp. Inuyasha's eyes widened as he drank in the scents around him.

"Kotou?! You are still alive? I figured you would dead by by now."

"No, young master, but it has been close. I have tended your mother's gardens as if she was still here. Sesshomaru-sama hasn't always approved, but she has softened him. You'll see. Raise your blade, Tachi." The grizzled warrior raised his staff, and stepped back, clearing our path. "Young master, announce your return to your father's home, you are expected."

Grumbling, cursing under his breath, the hanyou straightened himself, pausing to receive a wink from Kagome, and a smile from me. Although it had been hard to convince him the flea was right, Myouga had coached him on how to do this. Lifting his head, my friend's voice called through the gate, and into the courtyard beyond. "I, Inuyasha, second son of the Great Demon Lord Inutaisho, bearer of the fang-made-sword, Tessaiga, and protector of Inutaisho's tomb, return to my father's home. Allow me to enter, so that I may treat with my brother, Sesshomaru, Great Demon Lord of the Western Lands." 

--- 

Author's notes:   
This is A/U. I have no idea how Naraku will meet justice in the series. This version of Shippou exists in a pocket universe caused by Keade's death from influenza (see my piece _Time Enough_, which is still be worked on, shoudl wrap up soon). In this order of probability, Inuyasha and Kagome did not take Kaede forward into time, or at least not soon enough, and Kaede died. When they did, and Shippou saved her life, time changed. As a result, of all of my pieces, only _Winter's Chill_, and any that I may place before it, apply to these tales. Those, and the the Guardian tales, _White Dog_ and _Komainu_, becuase given the temporal loops involved, the do take place **before** this, even though they haven't happened yet for Hoono. _Hunter's Heart_, _Oh My_, _First Falls_, they didn't happen in this timeline, at least not as I have written them, so this Hoono/Shippou doesn't know about them. Don't worry, a headache is normal with temporal mechanics. 

**Daisho:** A matched set of swords, usually a katana and wakazashi, but not always. In this case, the Inu-daisho consists of Tessaiga and Tensaiga.   
**Naginata:** Described as a kind of halberd, it sorta is and it sorta isn't. Without getting into an ancient academic debate, it's basically a sword blade on the end of a staff, and damned effective.   
**Kitsumori:** Sounds like Kitsune, doesn't it? **Kitsu** means healthy or correct; **mori** means forest. Foxes and other small predators are an indicator to an ecosystem's health, so a balanced and sustainable fox population would be a sign of a healthy and correct forest. Forests are also very much a place of birth and growth, along with sanctuary. (And if you ask my editor, I pulled it out of my ass, but my subconscious tells me it's a left over from a past life. *shrugs*)   
**Hoono:** Blaze, flame. I know, Healthy Forest Blaze sounds like a contradiction to most people, but a forest fire is a cycle of rebirth and renewal. Of cleansing and strengthening. The kid has been in the fires of hell, and survived. He's earned the name. And YES, this is the same Kitsumori Hoono from _Time Enough_ and _Komainu_. :) He was developed for TE, and the thought of recording's Shippou's life was too enticing to pass up. 


	2. battles won

Shippou's Diary: Beginning's End   
by IronRaven   
editorial assistance by Lachesis-chan 

Disclaimer: Shippou and company aren't mine. This story is AU, and is used to tie a pocket of space time into a rather interesting loop. :) 

R for intense violence, strong language and suicide. If you are under a medical or psychological regimen for the treatment of depression, I do not recommend continuing past this point. _(And the editor agrees, since it actually made her cry.)_

--- 

Sigh. 

I had a patient die today. That's not that hard to deal with personally, she was older and it wasn't a surprise. But her loved ones blamed me for her death. Cause of death was simple- old age, coupled with a broken heart. Her husband had died several months before. How do you explain to the family that loosing their parents was a natural thing and nothing could be done about it. Five hundred years old and three rounds of medical school still haven't prepared me for that. 

That's not something I think I could live with. Or maybe I just grew up watching dependent men for role models, after my kitsune parents died. But if my mate was to die tomorrow, I'm not sure I would survive. How many times have I seen that. Probably the first times were just after our final battle with Naraku. I started to tell you that story, didn't I. I should finish it for you, shouldn't I. 

---_In the past_

"Since we are in agreement that joining of our forces would be beneficial against that cursed monkey, brother, I must ask a favor of one of your party." 

Saying that Inuyasha was surprised was an understatement. Sesshomaru had never asked him for anything. But a favor? 

When Inu-otou stayed silent, probably from shock, Sessho turned to me. I remember feeling like I swallowed a snowball when the pale eyes met mine. "Shippou, I, Sesshomaru, must ask a favor of you. Kagome undoubtedly wishes you did not join in this fight, but I doubt you would stay behind. I know that Rin will likewise refuse to remain behind. Our father ordered a set of armour forged for Inuyasha shortly before his death, and I believe you would fit it. Would you wear the armour and stand as Rin's guard, close enough for you both to watch, but far enough away to be safe." 

There was several seconds of silence as everyone stared at Sesshomaru. I don't remember saying yes, but it was the first time I had ever seen him smile as he bowed to me. He, Sesshomaru, Great Demon Lord of the Western Lands, bowed, to me, Shippou, an orphan who had hampered his schemes before. Bowed. He wanted me to protect his adopted daughter. And he smiled. In five centuries, I have never been more flustered. 

Kagome closed her eyes, her lips moving silently. She must have been thanking the kami that I would be safe and out of the way. Inuyasha's mouth was still gaping, as were Jaken and Myouga's. The next thing I knew, I was being knocked from my seat by Rin's tackle or hug, depending on how you looked at it. "Rin so happy Rin won't be left behind. Shippou not strong and smart like Sesshomaru, but if Sesshomaru thinks Shippou is a good guard, then Shippou must be." 

Over the next several weeks, we stayed at Sessho's castle. I think Inuyasha was happy, and I think Sesshomaru was to, after they got used to living in the same place with each other. Well, Inuyasha slept in the gardens, but it was close enough that we ate at Sesshomaru's table. They always snarled at each other, and they insulted each other, but it was like how I fought with Inuyasha. I think it reached the point they were doing it for fun. Sesshomaru sent his spies out, and Myouga left and returned at all hours of the day, sometimes by himself, sometimes with Jaken or borne on Kirara. 

The armour was a tight fit, but the guard who had remembered Inuyasha showed me how to fix that. I guess Inuyasha was skinnier than I was when was little. Rin was used to grabbing onto Sesshomaru, and she was right, he was stronger than I was then. After a few days, I was glad for the armour, because she was used to wrapping her arms around him and squeezing as tight as she could. My ribs hurt, and so did my back. 

The plan was simple. Sango would try to get Kohaku involved early on, and while they fought, Sesshomaru would un-kill him with the Tensaiga, even if the two of them had to break the boy's neck. That was exactly how Sango said it after Sesshomaru told us that Rin had been savaged by Kouga's pack (I knew there was a reason I never really trusted the guy), and was cold when he resurrected her with his sword. A simple broken neck (and anything else) would be easily enough dealt with. 

Miroku and Jaken would deal with Kagura, with Jaken using his staff to burn the Saimyoushou from the sky. They would be close to Sango, as Kagura and Kohaku would probably be close together. Kagome had to sense the Jewel shards and slay Kanna before she could use her mirror on us. 

That left Inuyasha and Kirara to deal with the odds and ends, along with fighting Naraku himself. We would have some of Sesshomaru's retainers with us, but we didn't think they would be of much good against all but the weakest of Naraku's demons. As the others killed their enemies, the thought was that they would join Inuyasha. 

That was the plan. 

It didn't last very long. One of Kagome's arrows found Kanna early, before she could use that mirror, and Jaken was happily blasting hellbees. But that was as far as it got. We didn't imagine that Kikyou would be there. 

She stood there, gloating and taunting Inuyasha, standing next to Naraku, his arm over her shoulder. Her arm was around his waist, under the villain's white cloak. Inuyasha stood there like a stunned duck, staring at the sight. Kikyou aiming an arrow at Kagome made his mind up for him in an instant. 

I think that was the only time I ever heard Kagome call someone a whore. The mikos let their arrows loose at the same time, and they both hit their target. Kagome collapsed, the arrow in her right chest. Kagome's arrow had cost the clay miko an arm. Inuyasha's claws cost her her head. 

That was when I heard Sango shrieking. Something VERY large, with lots of claws and horns, had been under Kohaku's control. She was on the ground, clutching what was left of her side, trying to hold herself together, while the massive demon's arm was painted in her blood. Only Inuyasha might have survived a hit like that. Sesshomaru attacked from behind the monster, but I watched in horror as Kohaku blocked the blows of Tensaiga. Idiot, didn't he know we were trying to save his life? 

The monster reached up and plucked them both of them from it's shoulder, and flung them to the ground. Sesshomaru had run Kohaku through as the monster's hand closed on them, but lost his grip on the sword when they were thrown. He barely rolled out of the way of the monster's stomp, but his white cape stayed behind, trapped on a toe claw of the beast. Kohaku had smashed down, once again among the living, atop his mortally wounded sister, and they could not avoid the massive foot. Kirara landed at their side, snarling as she tried to protect her mistress, but she was too late. And too much smaller than the beast. 

My scream of horror was drowned out by Miroku's as he ran towards our friends, his love. The Kazanna and Sessho's Toukijin tore into the monster, but it was several minutes before it finally was dead. Jaken lay there, broken, bent in places that even a nasty little toad shouldn't be bent, his staff snapped at his side. And the Tensaiga, the only hope for the Sango, Kohaku and Kirara, had been shattered under the monster's foot. Miroku could not wrap his hand before collapsing with them, but the Kazanna was closed. Enough of the saimyoushou had gone into the hole to plug it, and were poisoning him. 

Sesshomaru bellowed loud enough to shake the very ground, running towards Naraku. Rin was rooted in her footprints, staring at the fallen in horror, tears streaming down her face. I turned her away, and hugged her to me, wrapping her in my borrowed cape, letting our tears stream down my armour. 

Naraku had been changing his shape though the fight. To face both of the brothers, he twisted himself into some kind of metal beast, nothing I had seen before. His claws tore at them both, immune to Sesshomaru's blade, but Tessaiga took of pieces of the metal flesh. A backhand blow slammed into Inuyasha, throwing him several hundred paces, nearly to where I was. 

I couldn't let him lay there. I pushed Rin down, behind a boulder, and told her to stay there, as I tore the firerat cape from my armour, covering her with it, and dropping my helmet atop her head. Inuyasha lay there, barely conscious, the Tessagia in it's smallest form. The blade was driven into his side nearly to the gaurd, while the point, unstained, protruded from his ribs at different angle. The great, guardian blade lay shattered, forced into the body of it's wielder, wounding him gravely. 

Toukajin, the sword forged for one purpose, to match Tessaiga in lethal perfection, was being blocked bare handed by Naraku as Sesshomaru lunged, again and again. "You miserable dog, do you think you can harm me with the tooth of my own child? I tire of this." Slashing out with one of his metallic limbs, Naraku blocked the blow, as his other arm swung towards the blade. With a single, soft, brittle snap, the last, best hope we had was broken in half. Sesshomaru glanced at the steel stub in disbelief, before being thrown back by a kick to his belly. 

Naraku took one step towards us, laughing. I can still hear that laughter, centuries later. It was a cold, gloating laugh, the product of the most twisted and corrupted heart I've ever encountered, and it took delight in our apparent defeat. Behind him, the great dog that was Sesshomaru was released from his nearly-human form. Sessho pounced on Naraku, slamming him down in a tangled mass of teeth and claws. 

The tiny voice of Myouga came from within my armour. "No, Master Inuyasha." I tried to grab him, tried to stop him. I didn't know what the flea could do. I called for him to come back. He replied that he had sworn to Inutaisho that he would guide and protect Inuyasha, if his father should die. I could no longer see him as he jumped toward the struggling forms of Sesshomaru and Naraku. But suddenly, without warning, Naraku screamed in pain, clutching at his eye. Forgetting his current form, the metal claws tore and rent at face as he tried to reach the source of the pain. 

Inuyasha could survive having his brother's hand thrust through his belly. Naraku might have had a chance when Sesshomaru's paw stabbed through his chest, but the great jaws closing on his neck trapped the villain. Twisting his neck, Sesshomaru snapped the spine of the monster who had made our lives a living hell for all those years. 

As Naraku lay there, Sesshomaru in his nearly human form tore the shards from the foul body. He ripped them out along with anything in the way, pausing to break Naraku's neck as the fiend's body was healed by his shards. When they were gathered, Sesshomaru snarled something. I was never sure, but it sounded like "I should have done this the first time we met", before plunging his fist full of shards through Naraku's throat. The body lay there. This time, Naraku didn't dissolve, and there was no little wooden doll inside. 

As I helped Inuyasha to his feet, the blade in his side sagged under the weight of the handle, and was pulled free by gravity. The twisted, bloodied remains of the sword clattered on the ground like an old, dry bone. Despite the differences in their distances, Inuyasha and Sesshomaru made it to her at the same time, leaving trails of blood behind them. Rin and I were right behind them. Kagome could barely breath as the her hand was opened, and the shards placed in her hand. Sesshomaru left long enough to recover the shard that had been in Kohaku, and return. He placed it in her hands, then rested his one on her forehead. "You fought well, little human. I see why my brother chose you for his mate." 

Inuyasha knelt at her side, wrapping both of his hands around her's, the now finished jewel in her hands, sobbing. "Kagome, I... I... I wish I had told you earlier... but I..." 

That was far as he got when she breathed sharply, opening her eyes with a little cry, and then lay still, a dieing glow leaking from between her palms. Sesshomaru slid his hand down her forehead, closing her eyes, as Inuyasha howled in pain. We could smell her death. Inuyasha released her hands and grabbed his brother, throwing Sessho over my head and following the one armed Lord. Grabbing the front of Sesshomaru's armour in both hands, Inuyasha repeated slammed his brother into the ground, shaking him. "Bring her back, you bastard! Bring her back, damn you, or I'll tear out your heart!" 

In a voice heavy with pain, Sesshomaru spoke. "I can't. Our father's swords are broken. I can't bring any of them back." Bowing his head, he prepared for his brother's red-eyed attack. "I'm sorry." 

"No! You are lying! You always lied to me! She can't be dead. She isn't born yet. I'll bring her back! I'll use the jewel and bring her back! I'll bring them all back!" 

No matter how he begged or pleaded with the four souls within that horrible pink sphere, she would not arise. I had to leave her body to see if Miroku was still living. It tore at my soul to do so, but Kagome was gone, and the only thing bringing her back now was the whims of the Jewel, but Miroku might still be alive. He was breathing, barely. Every vein and artery I could see was bulging out, and his hand.... If I saw a patient with a hand like that today, I would assume an industrial accident, or explosives. It was mangled. The hole was gone, but the physical price had been a hand that looked like shredded meat, shot through with bone fragments, torn purple silk, and parts of insect bodies, all burned black. Behind me, Inuyasha cursed and swore in anger at the jewel, damning everyone since Midoriko. And then he stopped. 

Kagome still lay there dead, Inuyasha's black hair stroking her face as he kissed her cold lips, his tears dripping on her face. His black hair- the Jewel had made him human. "Fine. At least this way I can be with her." He pulled one of her arrows to him, and stabbed it into his belly, going up under his ribs, the half-amused smirk he always wore on his lips. 

I think I screamed; I know I ran. That horrible jewel had cost me not one set of parents, but two. Twice I had watched my family destroyed because of that wretched thing. I caught him as he fell, already coughing blood as his heart tore itself apart of the arrow shaft, the head ripping his lung open. I'll never forget his last words. "Shippou, listen to your uncle. Sesshomaru, aniki-sama, look after... my son." 

And with that, he was gone. 

I'm sorry, diary, I can't finish this, not now. 

--- 

**Author's Notes:**   
**aniki-sama**: Aniki-sama is very respectful (meaning lord older brother), but the word can be broken differently, resulting in ani, or elder brother, and kisama, which roughly translates to "you bastard". (Thanks to Ainokaa-chan (dreamwater.net/hearthstones/iy/) for this reference.) Looks like the hanyou got the last word. 

And to Daria, sorry, but as you can see, that wasn't Jaken in _Komainu_. Sesshomaru just likes his toadies to look the part. 


	3. victory held hollow

Shippou's Diary: Beginning's End   
by IronRaven   
editorial assistance by Lachesis-chan 

Disclaimer: Shippou and company aren't mine. This story is AU, and is used to tie a pocket of space time into a rather interesting loop. :) 

R for swearing, violence, insanity and euthanasia. 

--- 

I know I didn't finish this yesterday. I need to finish it today. The only way that is going to happen with a full bottle of sake. I'm already a quarter of the way thought it, so if my coherency is a little off, my dear diary, forgive me. 

---_In the past_

Enough of Sesshomaru's retainers remained to protect us as we gathered Miroku and our dead comrades, and carry their litters back to Sesshomaru's castle. It was not an easy voyage, but in retrospect it was easier than it should have been. Maybe Naraku's death caused his demons to turn on each other, or run. 

Sesshomaru told me that it had been Myouga who finally won the battle for us. Myouga the grandfather flea, the most cowardly thing in all of Japan. He had gotten close to Naraku, very close, and managed somehow to get under our enemy's eyelid before biting. It must not have been a massive pain, but a shocking and unexpected one. That combined with Naraku's instinctive response to protect his eyes gave Sesshomaru the time he needed to kill our enemy, enough to take away the shards scattered through his body. 

On the way back, Sesshomaru carried Miroku much of the time. He has never told me why he did that. But I imagine it is related to why he saved Rin, or stopped fighting Inuyasha. Under that cold, superior exterior lay a heart, a heart he couldn't allow himself to show to anyone. Would Inuyasha have ended up like that if he'd not been orphaned? 

At the first rest break, Sesshomaru and Kotou examined what was left of Miroku's hand, and decided that it would never heal. If it stayed, it would fester and rot, and take the monk's life. Miroku said nothing as six large inu-youkai warriors pinned him down, and the herbalist removed the dead tissue. He never even flinched at the red-hot blade, nor as the stump was bandaged. 

We buried our friends in Inuyasha's mother's gardens the next day. From her grave, she could look at them, and Inuyasha could see her marker any time of the year. In his hand, he held Tetsaiga's hilt, with the necklace still around his neck. We had to stich up his hakimia where it had been cut- it had been his life force keeping it whole all those years. Next to him, we placed Kagome, dressed in a kimono of the purest silk, white and green. I combed her hair until it gleamed silver-black, like calm water under the moonlight. And Myouga. I know it sounds strange to bury a flea, but he was Myouga. He had been my teacher, and Inuyasha's, and Sesshomaru's. He had been our wise man, somehow knowing about just about every demon and magical artifact in our journies. And he'd died a hero's death. Without him, none of us would have survived, and Naraku would have had the completed Shikon no Tama. 

Miroku watched as we lowered Sango's body into her grave, his eyes blank, devoid of any sign of emotion or life. The shattered bone of her weapon we placed as her marker, under a flowering cherry tree. Kirara's little body lay on her chest, curled as if asleep. Kohaku was lain at her right side. In death, he looked like the carefree boy that Sango had described. We couldn't find his weapon as we escaped, but I didn't think it was something he was going to need. Sango was a warrior, but Kohaku was too gentle, too kind. Miroku sat there and stared, not crying, not talking, barely blinking. 

I sat with him as Sesshomaru and Rin carried Jaken to a small pond, filled with lilies, and a gnarled, twisted old willow at it's side. Rin had cried the entire way back. Even when Sesshomaru passed Miroku's unconscious form to a follower on the walk back, she refused to let him touch her. She wouldn't even speak to him. I knew what she was doing. When my mother, my real mother, died, I hated my father. When she stumbled, I urged her onto my back, carrying her the same way Inuyasha carried Kagome. 

As night fell, I led Miroku back to the castle proper. He simply sat there when I finally stopped dragging him after me. He'd neither drank nor eaten in two days. I spent the night feeding him soup, a sip at a time, using a spoon from Kagome's backpack. I cried the entire time, and eventually quit from frustration, anger and exhaustion. I stormed out of the room, leaving him to sit there, but not before raging at him. 'How dare you hide, monk! They died saving your life! Kagome, Inuyasha, Kirara, Sango, they all died to protect you. Even Myouga was more of a hero than you are! YOU FUCKING COWARD!!' 

I stumbled into the gardens, and curled up next to my parent's graves. Rocking and sobbing, I finally fell asleep. The next morning, I woke up inside, on a futon. It was covered with a big, fuzzy blanket, next to Rin. I could smell Sesshomaru. Looking about in confusion, I realized what this was. I was sleeping on Sesshomaru's cape. He was nowhere to be seen, but he must have carried me inside at some point in the night. I could see where it had been torn in the battle, but he would not part with it, any more than he would have left behind the remains of our friends or the swords of his father. I carefully got up, trying not to disturb the sleeping girl, finding the large warm spot left after he woke up. That is when it hit me- pups often will snuggle with thier parents when they are young. Sesshomaru considered Rin his own, and Inuyasha had asked him to look after me. So this is what Kotou meant when he said that 'she' had changed Sesshomaru. 

I slipped out the door, sliding it closed behind me, and found my way to the small eating room off the kitchen where I had left Miroku. He lay, curled in a fetal position, sleeping on the floor, protecting his bandaged hand. Close claw scores were on his left cheek. Close enough to only be mine, the fine hairs singed by fire. I had hit him in my anger, and I didn't even remember it. Oh kami, in my grief, I'd hit him. 

When I finally worked up the courage to wake him, I shook his shoulder. His eyes opened, but they were flat, lifeless. He looked lost as he glanced around. Then he spoke. The rich, melodic tones I was used to had been replaced by those of a scared child, frightened and alone. 'Shippou? Is that you Shippou?' 

'Yes, Miroku.' 

'Where is Sango? She told me she'd be with us at breakfast today. Or maybe tomorrow, if her father and brother kept her at the village longer than planned. She's a powerful hunter, you know, that she is.' The childlike hopefulness, the trusting smile. It twisted my heart to listen to him. All I could do was pray to the Kami and Buddha that he would get better. His expression became one of disappointment when I shook my head. 

'She had to stay longer, didn't she. Are Kagome and Inuyasha here, or are they in her time?' 

'They aren't here, Miroku. I don't think they'll be back for a while.' 

'Where are we, this isn't Keade's. It's bigger.' Kaede? She'd been dead for over a year now, slain by the "flu" that Kagome had accidentally brought with her. The medicines of Kagome's time saved the lives of many in the village, but not Keade's. After that night, we never set foot in Keade's hut again. It was her resting place. Inuyasha and the others built a hut nearer to the well, and it had not been an easy task in late winter. 

'No, Miroku, this is my palace, where you are welcome to remain as long as you wish.' Sesshomaru's eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was still disarrayed from sleep. Despite all of their differences, the common blood between Sesshomaru and Inuyasha was clear that morning. Miroku's eyes went wide as the one-armed demon lord stepped into the room. 

'No, stay away! Get behind me Shippou, I'll protect you. Stay back, Lord Sesshomaru, I'm warning you.' Desperately he tore at his bandages, trying to reach the non-existent windtunnel. With his nails and teeth he ripped the covering away, fighting like a mad man. His struggles opened the wound, and his blood ran down his arm as he tried to suck Sesshomaru into his hand. 

'Cease your struggles, monk, you will only injure yourself further.' As Sessho and I tried to restrain the wild man, the Demon Lord's voice trying to remained calm as his words lost their cultured edge. 'Damnit bozou, sit still before you bleed to death.' 

Miroku's struggles stopped, giving me time to clamp my fingers down on his wound, as he looked around. 'Inuyasha? Is that you, Inuyasha?' Again, his eyes settled on Sesshomaru, this time frowning, a faint glimmer of recognition in them, but only for a moment. The terror flooded his face again. 'Inuyasha, in here, your brother has us in here! Help us Inuyasha! Kagome, Inuyasha! SANGO!!' 

Sesshomaru silenced Miroku's screams and struggles with a viscous blow. He and I were still breathing hard when the first guard reached us, sword at the ready. Silently, he was waved away. Sesshomaru left, and returned after a moment with a bowl filled with from the kettle of soup his cook kept going at all times. Slowly, silently, he fed the semi-conscious monk with the same spoon I had used last night, while I rebound his wound. 

I looked between them, my uncles, one lost, his mind possibly gone forever, the other outwardly calm but his place in the world shaken half off it's foundations. Each of them missing a hand. So alike, in so many ways. Three days ago, they both were quiet and serene, sure of their place in the world, balanced and confident. Miroku had let his emotions out, while Sesshomaru walled his off, both of them controlling their public masks to hide what was in thier minds. Without his mind, Miroku's emotions were unchecked, and his grief was drowning him. 

For three moons, Miroku suffered. He never stopped fighting Sesshomaru, or trying to use the Kazanna on him. Every morning brought the same questions. Had her brother and father kept Sango longer than planned? Was Inuyasha with Kagome in her time? Every night, he asked if they would be with us in the morning. Once, when he saw Rin, he called her Kirara, and tried to pet her. One night he ran away, and we found him nearly drowned in a river the next morning. After that, when he slept, we blocked the door to his cell, caging him like an animal, even if it was for his own safety. 

One afternoon, I went into the gardens. I remembered one of Keade's lessons to Kagome. I knew what I needed. That night, feeding him his diner, I gave him a dark, bitter-smelling tea. It must have been horrible. He spat it out, spraying it over himself and the floor, coughing at the taste. I told him that it was a special tea, and that Sango thought it was very good. 

'Really?' 

'Really. She sent it by messenger today, along with word that she'd be here late tonight. She wanted you to drink some of it, and she'd share some with you in the morning.' My lies sicken me. I used her memory to get him to take the draught. But what choice was there? He was gone, and he was never coming back. He could live for another twenty years like that, a scarred, shattered mind, trapped between child and man. Always in pain, always afraid. Wherever his soul went, it would be better than this. I knew that Sango and Kagome and Inuyasha and Kirara and Myouga, and even Kohaku, would be waiting there for him, along with my parents. 

I nearly drank the tea myself, but I couldn't. Sesshomaru and I had talked over the future many times. We had to make sure that Kagome made it to our time, safely. She had to be protected, before she could have Inuyasha's protection. I had a mission, a quest. It seems like my life had become one quest after another. Quest for vengeance for my father, the quest for the Jewel, and now a quest to guard Kagome. A quest to make sure my mother could become my mother. And maybe, with luck and the blessings of the gods, they wouldn't die like this again. I could not, can not believe that it is my fate to have two families destroyed by the Shikon no Tama. 

As the tea slowly took effect, I held his head in my lap, combing his tangled, matted hair as he looked up at the ceiling, occasionally asking questions. He had started to shiver, and I softly sang to him the songs that my okaa-san and Kagome would sing to me when I was scared, stroking his hair. And as suddenly as it started, his trembling stopped. His eyes closed one last time, his lips moving. 'They're here, Shippou.' 

Silent tears streamed down my face as I sent an illusion for the gate gaurds to investigate, then dragged him into the garden. Miroku's shakujo and a cloth bundle lay next to Sango's cherry tree where I had left it that afternoon, along with a shovel. If there was anything that the quest for the Shikon no Tama taught me, it was how to dig graves. Through the night I dug, and finally rolled him into his grave. 

As the first light smothered the stars on the horizon, I shed my clothes of childhood. I donned a simple tan yakuta, and shrugged on my carry cloth with my meager supplies. I picked up my staff, and walked towards the west, trying to avoid the pure light of day. As I heard the castle come to life, I knew someone would soon find my letter, telling them I would be back soon. 

I looked over my shoulder one last time. The rings of Miroku's staff, silent and dull for three months, glittered and danced in the peaceful breeze that caressed his grave. I thought I could hear them ringing, laughing, as I continued on my way in silence. 

It would be five years before I returned to Sesshomaru's palace. 

--- 

Author's notes:   
There will be more stories of Shippou the Wanderer, that there will. Some, you have already read- _Time Enough_, _White Dog_ and _Komainu_. The choice to become a guardian is not a light one, however. The path is filled with choices, which must be made correctly, or all will be for naught. 

I've noticed one thing, that I'm expecting someone to mention sooner or later. In this, Shippou is a bit taller than he is in the series. Two explinations- that the quest took several years and he's been growning, AND he seemed taller the first time we saw him. We know he is a shapeshifter and illusionist, so looking like a younger version of himself becuase he thinks it will protect him is a possibility, and once you start living a legend, you can never, ever stop. 

For anyone who thinks I'm picking on Miroku in my stories, I'm not consciously doing so. But he is much like me, and I can keep him in character easily. He and Sango are, in my opinion, the most tragic characters in the Inuyasha saga. 

_(Editor's Note: By the end, I was fighting back tears again. I hope you're proud of yourself.) (referring to author)_ While this has been a common comment among the early reviewers (SailorCelestial and BlueFuzzyElf, in addition to the eidtor), it was not my intent to write a story so painful. But I too must confess that it made me cry to write it. 


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